Never wanted to write about this..
But I'm so glad I clicked on this article.

On point, for every single point.

This was entirely what I felt and went through.
Just that I couldn't have written or expressed this (for quite long awhile) any way better.

Also partially one of the reasons why I decided to separate what I love
to share or want to bring to people (food photography) from my private life.



. . .
..
.

Extract from the article:

The Learnings

"If this week taught me one thing, it's that my interest in food photography had become more than a hobby — in many ways, it had turned into a problem. Constantly looking for how my life can be turned into "aspirational" content was a total time suck. It was stressful, and other than my family and close friends wondering why I was posting garbage pictures of my normal life, no one really cared. The person who cared the most in all of this, sadly, was me.

I thought I was sharing the highlight reel of my life, but Instagram, for me at least, had become an escape from the tedium that's inevitably a part of adult life. Making the subway chic? Impossible. Editing last night's dinner excursion while I'm next to some guy shaving his beard on the M train makes the day go by a little faster.

After posting seven dumpy pictures, I thought my following would have dropped by 1,000 people, but that didn't happen. Maybe if I continued to post horrible pictures, I would see a slide eventually,
but for this week, I ended up with 10 fewer followers than I started out with at the beginning of the week. I normally gain 90 followers each week, so by my calculation, the total follower loss was about 100.

Other than discovering that I care too much about how many likes I get, and that I should put less pressure on myself because it's stupid and has been proven to make you feel bad,
I didn't have a breakthrough moment. No Essena O'Neill epiphany. If anything, I realized I really like taking food pictures; it just shouldn't interfere with the things I'm doing or the people I spend time with. They're more interesting than a double tap anyway."

Full Article Here.

. . .
..
.

Because once you realize everything you do is getting more and more superficial,
 it just knocks you hard in the damn brain and gets you thinking.

What am I doing this for,
what do I really want,
why did I started this in the first place?

Yes.

 One faithful week, I "met" two of my foodie IG followers when I'm out dining.
Both times with my boyfriend. Same week, two different followers.

Coincidence?
I think it's more like a wake up call cause it got me thinking real hard.

Do they know how I looked like? Yes.
Do I know how they even looked like? No.

One decided to comment on the food photo I posted from the same restaurant we dined in,
 the other sent a message directly to my IG inbox.




"So what's your point?"

My point is, I just sat down and contemplated hard on everything after it happened.

4 thousand over followers is not even close to like 1/1,000,000 of Singapore's population.
Yet what am I showing almost every other day to this mere amount of followers that I have?

Myself, my life, my boyfriend, and occasionally, my friends and family.

At times I felt I gotta even restrict the kind of photos that I "have to" post.

1. Friends.

Some of my introverted friends will go:
"Eh don't post our photo on your IG ah, Facebook can already~"

Which got me thinking - these friends' Instagrams are private for a reason.
Not everybody is comfortable with "flashing smiles" to a few strangers they do not know.

2. Family

I see friends sharing their family portraits happily (and innocently) on Instagram
but many times I refrained from doing so because.. Because what?

Because do I even want these "people" to "know" who my family are?
You're right, it's not like people would care - but why even risk it?

My mum works so hard to give me the best,
my life is not perfect,
I do not always look good,
I'm always thrown with challenges to deal with every now and then,
and I am a super-ultra-idiotically flawed person actually.

No doubt, friends of mine all know these well without having to mention -
yet why am I trying to portray myself in such "beautiful" or "perfect" light
to the meagre (yet slowly growing) number of people on this social platform?

Why do I have to restrict or "intentionally and meticulously" edit, craft
and deliver the kind of photos and content that appeal to this amount of people?

This made question myself on why did I even started this in the first place:

1. I eat a lot of good food (my boyfriend is always on a hunt for good food).
(LOL I love good food too la, who doesn't).

2. I have a knack for performing "plastic surgery"on the food photos I take..
Just barely enough to make normal people salivate.
 (Thankful for this stupid little talent).

3. Created this IG as platform to document and share.
Share what? SHARE FOOD.

My first few Instagram photos were some ugly-badly-filtered dumplings,
tang yuans and.. Couldn't remember the rest lolol.

Anyway,

I gradually started uploading personal photos as well cause I realized this Instagram
is actually somewhat like a Facebook - just more simplified and photo-caption based.

Long story short,
I felt like I lost myself through the midst of everything.
Of course -
I did not feel this way UNTIL those two followers I "met" came along.

It feels good to have people compliment on how amazing your food photos look,
to have people curious to find out more on where it is, how to get to this place,
how good does the food taste, what's the price, is it worth it ecetera.

This makes me happy.

Because this is exactly what I set out and aimed to do in the first place.
But amidst all the sharing of my food photography and snippets of personal life -

I realized hey!

It ALSO feels good to have people compliment on how you look -
that the dress you're wearing is beautiful, wow you're so lucky to be at this place,
wow you're lucky to be in that place, so lucky to be enjoying this, and that, and blah.

Is this really what I want?
What do I really want?
Who am I becoming.......
What do I want out of this?

Friends compliment you okay la - normal what.
People you don't even know compliment you you so happy???

I pondered hard.

And it still boils down to the simple root that got me started - food sharing.

So I drew the line.

I realized people do not need to know my personal life,
and I realized I need to be more.. Real?

Sad and shameful, but yes.

. . .
. .
.

Just let me quote this again:

"Other than discovering that I care too much about how many likes I get, and that I should put less pressure on myself because it's stupid and has been proven to make you feel bad,
I didn't have a breakthrough moment. No Essena O'Neill epiphany. If anything, I realized I really like taking food pictures; it just shouldn't interfere with the things I'm doing or the people I spend time with. They're more interesting than a double tap anyway."

. . .
. .
.

I wasn't sharing because I genuinely wanted to share any more.
I was sharing because I wanted to APPEAL to those people.

Why do I even have to do that?
Why DID I even do that?

So I deleted all my personal photos from this IG and started a private one for my private life.
I think I deleted more than a 100 worth of personal photos.

It really stabbed me hard in the heart each time I delete a photo
cause it was like deleting a part of that memory away........ Sobs.
Serves me right anyway.

(I explained this to my friends and a handful of them actually called me stupid 
for deleting my photos. LOL idk. I guess I was really just stupid right from the start.

EVEN MY BOYFRIEND.

He didn't really liked the idea of me deleting photos and starting a new profile
cause he knew I devoted a lot of time to make everything look good).
Well..

What changed since then is that I'm more or less permanently logged on to my private IG,
and I update my food IG a lot less often now.

 It's not I have given up or changed what I wanted to do .
 Nothing of that sort - but I've been spending a lot more time and attention
on people and things that truly matter (or love) in my life.

My private IG follows no celebrities, influencers or satires,
meaning friends and only just friends.

I realized this is a lot more healthy for me because I began envying less,
wishing for less, and learned to be more thankful and contented with my life,
myself, and all that I already have.

God.

I MEAN.

I am already very happy and contented with my life,
but I used to think a lot of:

"If only I am this rich / this successful / this fit / this pretty /"

NAME ALL THE - THIS * INSERT SOMETHING GOOD *

The list goes on.
 It never ends.

 I broke my toe at adventure cove,
 I got hospitalized for severe constipation,
I caught up with this friend,
I had fun with another group of friends,
 I completed and submitted my FYP,
I BTO-ed with my boyfriend,
 I travelled to the United States,
 I will face different kids everyday for the rest of my life.

At the end of the day,
 who really cares about all these things in my life?

All my happiness, joy and sorrow,
my achievements, milestones, ups and downs.

Only my family and friends will be genuinely interested and truly concerned.

So there goes.

Never wanted to write about this..
But I'm so glad I clicked on this article.

On point, for every single point.

This was entirely what I felt and went through.
Just that I couldn't have written or expressed this (for quite long awhile) any way better.

Also partially one of the reasons why I decided to separate what I love
to share or want to bring to people (food photography) from my private life.



. . .
..
.

Extract from the article:

The Learnings

"If this week taught me one thing, it's that my interest in food photography had become more than a hobby — in many ways, it had turned into a problem. Constantly looking for how my life can be turned into "aspirational" content was a total time suck. It was stressful, and other than my family and close friends wondering why I was posting garbage pictures of my normal life, no one really cared. The person who cared the most in all of this, sadly, was me.

I thought I was sharing the highlight reel of my life, but Instagram, for me at least, had become an escape from the tedium that's inevitably a part of adult life. Making the subway chic? Impossible. Editing last night's dinner excursion while I'm next to some guy shaving his beard on the M train makes the day go by a little faster.

After posting seven dumpy pictures, I thought my following would have dropped by 1,000 people, but that didn't happen. Maybe if I continued to post horrible pictures, I would see a slide eventually,
but for this week, I ended up with 10 fewer followers than I started out with at the beginning of the week. I normally gain 90 followers each week, so by my calculation, the total follower loss was about 100.

Other than discovering that I care too much about how many likes I get, and that I should put less pressure on myself because it's stupid and has been proven to make you feel bad,
I didn't have a breakthrough moment. No Essena O'Neill epiphany. If anything, I realized I really like taking food pictures; it just shouldn't interfere with the things I'm doing or the people I spend time with. They're more interesting than a double tap anyway."

Full Article Here.

. . .
..
.

Because once you realize everything you do is getting more and more superficial,
 it just knocks you hard in the damn brain and gets you thinking.

What am I doing this for,
what do I really want,
why did I started this in the first place?

Yes.

 One faithful week, I "met" two of my foodie IG followers when I'm out dining.
Both times with my boyfriend. Same week, two different followers.

Coincidence?
I think it's more like a wake up call cause it got me thinking real hard.

Do they know how I looked like? Yes.
Do I know how they even looked like? No.

One decided to comment on the food photo I posted from the same restaurant we dined in,
 the other sent a message directly to my IG inbox.




"So what's your point?"

My point is, I just sat down and contemplated hard on everything after it happened.

4 thousand over followers is not even close to like 1/1,000,000 of Singapore's population.
Yet what am I showing almost every other day to this mere amount of followers that I have?

Myself, my life, my boyfriend, and occasionally, my friends and family.

At times I felt I gotta even restrict the kind of photos that I "have to" post.

1. Friends.

Some of my introverted friends will go:
"Eh don't post our photo on your IG ah, Facebook can already~"

Which got me thinking - these friends' Instagrams are private for a reason.
Not everybody is comfortable with "flashing smiles" to a few strangers they do not know.

2. Family

I see friends sharing their family portraits happily (and innocently) on Instagram
but many times I refrained from doing so because.. Because what?

Because do I even want these "people" to "know" who my family are?
You're right, it's not like people would care - but why even risk it?

My mum works so hard to give me the best,
my life is not perfect,
I do not always look good,
I'm always thrown with challenges to deal with every now and then,
and I am a super-ultra-idiotically flawed person actually.

No doubt, friends of mine all know these well without having to mention -
yet why am I trying to portray myself in such "beautiful" or "perfect" light
to the meagre (yet slowly growing) number of people on this social platform?

Why do I have to restrict or "intentionally and meticulously" edit, craft
and deliver the kind of photos and content that appeal to this amount of people?

This made question myself on why did I even started this in the first place:

1. I eat a lot of good food (my boyfriend is always on a hunt for good food).
(LOL I love good food too la, who doesn't).

2. I have a knack for performing "plastic surgery"on the food photos I take..
Just barely enough to make normal people salivate.
 (Thankful for this stupid little talent).

3. Created this IG as platform to document and share.
Share what? SHARE FOOD.

My first few Instagram photos were some ugly-badly-filtered dumplings,
tang yuans and.. Couldn't remember the rest lolol.

Anyway,

I gradually started uploading personal photos as well cause I realized this Instagram
is actually somewhat like a Facebook - just more simplified and photo-caption based.

Long story short,
I felt like I lost myself through the midst of everything.
Of course -
I did not feel this way UNTIL those two followers I "met" came along.

It feels good to have people compliment on how amazing your food photos look,
to have people curious to find out more on where it is, how to get to this place,
how good does the food taste, what's the price, is it worth it ecetera.

This makes me happy.

Because this is exactly what I set out and aimed to do in the first place.
But amidst all the sharing of my food photography and snippets of personal life -

I realized hey!

It ALSO feels good to have people compliment on how you look -
that the dress you're wearing is beautiful, wow you're so lucky to be at this place,
wow you're lucky to be in that place, so lucky to be enjoying this, and that, and blah.

Is this really what I want?
What do I really want?
Who am I becoming.......
What do I want out of this?

Friends compliment you okay la - normal what.
People you don't even know compliment you you so happy???

I pondered hard.

And it still boils down to the simple root that got me started - food sharing.

So I drew the line.

I realized people do not need to know my personal life,
and I realized I need to be more.. Real?

Sad and shameful, but yes.

. . .
. .
.

Just let me quote this again:

"Other than discovering that I care too much about how many likes I get, and that I should put less pressure on myself because it's stupid and has been proven to make you feel bad,
I didn't have a breakthrough moment. No Essena O'Neill epiphany. If anything, I realized I really like taking food pictures; it just shouldn't interfere with the things I'm doing or the people I spend time with. They're more interesting than a double tap anyway."

. . .
. .
.

I wasn't sharing because I genuinely wanted to share any more.
I was sharing because I wanted to APPEAL to those people.

Why do I even have to do that?
Why DID I even do that?

So I deleted all my personal photos from this IG and started a private one for my private life.
I think I deleted more than a 100 worth of personal photos.

It really stabbed me hard in the heart each time I delete a photo
cause it was like deleting a part of that memory away........ Sobs.
Serves me right anyway.

(I explained this to my friends and a handful of them actually called me stupid 
for deleting my photos. LOL idk. I guess I was really just stupid right from the start.

EVEN MY BOYFRIEND.

He didn't really liked the idea of me deleting photos and starting a new profile
cause he knew I devoted a lot of time to make everything look good).
Well..

What changed since then is that I'm more or less permanently logged on to my private IG,
and I update my food IG a lot less often now.

 It's not I have given up or changed what I wanted to do .
 Nothing of that sort - but I've been spending a lot more time and attention
on people and things that truly matter (or love) in my life.

My private IG follows no celebrities, influencers or satires,
meaning friends and only just friends.

I realized this is a lot more healthy for me because I began envying less,
wishing for less, and learned to be more thankful and contented with my life,
myself, and all that I already have.

God.

I MEAN.

I am already very happy and contented with my life,
but I used to think a lot of:

"If only I am this rich / this successful / this fit / this pretty /"

NAME ALL THE - THIS * INSERT SOMETHING GOOD *

The list goes on.
 It never ends.

 I broke my toe at adventure cove,
 I got hospitalized for severe constipation,
I caught up with this friend,
I had fun with another group of friends,
 I completed and submitted my FYP,
I BTO-ed with my boyfriend,
 I travelled to the United States,
 I will face different kids everyday for the rest of my life.

At the end of the day,
 who really cares about all these things in my life?

All my happiness, joy and sorrow,
my achievements, milestones, ups and downs.

Only my family and friends will be genuinely interested and truly concerned.

So there goes.